i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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