Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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