You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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