Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
