No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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