WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
