I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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