update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize