i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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