Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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