Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.