i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.