Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.