i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
