I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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