So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.