Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you