You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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