Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
