hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
