Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
