1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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