if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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