I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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