im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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