Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
this hospital has no fireball
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
