i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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