How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
