If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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