I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
