My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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