PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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