The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
