My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize