i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
