They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
