I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
