do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
