Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
