what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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