the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
