we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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