you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
