Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
