I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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