Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
