Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
