why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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