She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
