i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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