I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
