i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How drunk are you?
Completed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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