As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
