I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
