Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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