hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
