So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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