so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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