ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
