you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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