Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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