I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
