The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
