We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
