I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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